Archive for enabling

Is Your Religion Enabling Abuse?

Yesterday a student of mine asked, “What is the same between Forgiving someone for abuse, and being an Enabler of abuse: “Forgive is to: absolve, remit, cease to resent, excuse.” “Enable is to: allow, permit, excuse.” Both of them ‘Excuse’ the Behavior.”

One of the issues I see with many belief systems is not understanding the difference between forgiveness and enabling. Telling someone that they need to forgive those who are wounding them, as they are still suffering, only propagates more suffering. Forgiving someone in the midst of the abuse only enables them to continue to harm. Forgiveness is part of the healing process after the harm is no longer being inflicted, and is based in self-honor. Enabling is dishonoring of all concerned.

There is a huge difference between the two. Forgiveness is after the fact as a part if your own healing. Enabling is allowing it to continue to happen.

Genuine forgiveness only occurs after the trauma has ended and after going through the grieving process. It is sourced from self-love. Saying that you forgive someone while they continue to hurt you is simply lip-service and is based in fear and beliefs of unworthiness. It is simply sweeping the issue under the rug until it surfaces again. Fear, and the need for acceptance, propagates the cycle of abuse. Yes, many of our belief systems don’t understand what forgiveness really is and therefor are enablers of suffering. Real forgiveness only comes from deep understanding and final resolution. 

As I pondered on this further this afternoon, this is the message that came through.

“The real genuine forgiveness Dear Ones that you all seek stems from love. It is based in the understanding that all beings are worthy of love and understanding and that only those who are hurting and feeling unloved, hurt others. There really is no evil in your world, only misalignment from love. That which you call evil stems from the spiritually immature who cannot see love within themselves and cannot see it as their own true essence. As such, they really do not know what they do. Yes, from logical perspective they “should” know better and reasoning can tell them so. And yet, the delicate human mind often acts without reason as it desperately searches for the one thing it wants most, love. Ultimately that coming home to love is the reason you chose the human experience. You wanted to prove to yourselves that you could find your way home. Not to heaven after you die but to heaven within your selves. Each of you were born with it as the essence of who you are. The real challenge is to find it again, to be able to say at the end of your human experience, I found God, Spirit, Christ, Peace, Heaven, Love… within myself and shared it forward and thus I fulfilled my purpose for being. Understand Dear Ones that every being is seeking exactly the same thing. They are all facing their own individual struggles to find their loving essence, to know, feel and be love. When you come to really understand this truth and see that you are worthy of love, as you are love itself embodied as you, then forgiveness becomes an already given. So be it!”

One of the issues I see with many belief systems is not understanding the difference between forgiveness and enabling.

Telling someone that they need to forgive those who are wounding them, as they are still suffering, only propagates more suffering. Forgiving someone in the midst of the abuse only enables them to continue to harm. Forgiveness is part of the healing process after the harm is no longer being inflicted, and is based in honor, which is based in love. Enabling is dishonoring of all concerned. As long as the enabler continues to profess that the trauma is forgiven, and the aggressor continue the action, there will always be victim and perpetrator. The perceived victim needs to recognize within herself that she is worthy of love, that she is worthy of honor and that she is worthy of respect. In owning her worthiness she no longer tolerates the actions placed against her and in her self-honor she creates a space for the perpetrator to heal his own cycle of trauma. In other words, by no longer tolerating the abuse, they both get closer to peace within themselves.

This holds true for humanity as a whole. 

Until next time, be Fearless, Fabulous and Free!

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