Archive for self-honor

Command Your Own Ship

A few days ago, I had a huge insight while navigating the subconscious patterns of my past so that I can remedy them and not take them into my future.

Navigating and over-writing the past is essential to creating a joy-filled life.

I came to see that throughout my lifetime I had been deferring my own greatness to other people.  For example, I conceded to teachers and adults growing up, because that’s what I was expected to do. There was no concept of self-respect or self-honor in my upbringing, only respecting men and my elders. As I got older my deference turned to those with more experience and education than I had, rather than seeing the value of my own experience. Even in my businesses, I deferred to employees, co-workers and partners because I saw the value in what they brought to the table, over my own value.

In my moment of introspecting I came to see that my last business partner didn’t make me feel small or like an employee. That was a story I had been telling myself.  The issue wasn’t her, it was me. it was that I didn’t hold myself up as her equal. My big “aha” was that she brought the money, but I brought the experience. I ran the entire show. She was a silent partner but, in my head, at the time, she wasn’t silent.  She didn’t make me feel less about myself, feeling less-than is what I made of her.

Along with this came the knowing that I am the commander of my ship. I used to say that I am the captain of my vessel, but then I realized that I was standing in a little dingy.  It’s easy to stand alone in a little boat and not get very far and sometimes that little boat just goes around in circles.

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Commanding a ship requires self-trust, self-respect and self-honor, and it requires holding yourself in high-esteem. 

It requires knowing that you chart the course and what others bring to the table is of no greater value than what you bring to the table. They are your support team, your officers and deck hands. The ship won’t run without the entire team but taking the bow and charting the course takes inner-knowing that you have earned your place at the helm and you are the commander.

Have the fortitude to set your course, free of doubt, and know the resources will come to support you. The resources will come from wherever they come, and you need to stand tall in who you are, rather than defer your own greatness to those who appear to have more.

Remember, it isn’t about them, it’s about you.

It’s about each of us standing boldly in who we are. It’s about valuing our own gifts, education and experiences and seeing what we bring to the table as invaluable and worthy of investment.

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Gratitude Leads To Fulfillment, Not The Other Way Around

Gratitude is the core ingredient to a rich and fulfilling life.

Unfortunately it is easier to focus on the negative: how others don’t do their share of the work, what we don’t have, what others have done to hurt us and the negative experiences of our past. Fear and judgment is our natural default until we learn to consciously change our perspective. These fear-based feelings and emotions keep us drained, unfulfilled and empty.

We are trying to fill ourselves up from the outside which is always fleeting and often self-defeating.  

Without gratitude we find ourselves in a constant battle to maintain our emotional well-being. We’ve all heard the term “my cup runneth over” and “being half-empty,’ but what does that mean exactly? The fullness of our cup, or life, is a direct reflection of how we view ourselves and our lives. Even when we begin to fill our cup a little bit, we pour some out as we give away our precious selves in the hope of getting some of it back, giving bits and pieces of ourselves away because we feel guilty if we don’t.  It is in our nature to nurture and care for those around us in compassion. Yet many of us sacrifice ourselves to others until there is nothing left to give. We put the needs of others ahead of our own and in the process we are depleted emotionally and physically.  We try to fill ourselves up with the perceptions of others and their gratitude for our selflessness and feel empty and unfulfilled when our efforts go unappreciated.

Our cup is easily kept full and overflowing when we live each day in our own gratitude rather than expecting others to fill it up for us. While appreciation from others feels good it is also temporary. True fullness comes from within. Staying focused on everything that is good and beautiful in our lives keeps us from arriving at that feeling of emptiness because true gratitude is internal.

The truth is that we simply cannot give what we do not have. If our cup is empty and depleted any attempts to give to others are laced with resentment.

When we stop and change our focus, everything changes.  When we stop placing our fulfillment in the perceptions of others, and see our world thorough our own eyes, we can see with gratitude. When we live our lives in a constant state of gratitude our cup begins to fill and overflow. Feeding ourselves gratitude begins with looking for it everywhere in our existence, even when it doesn’t first appear there is anything to be grateful for.

If you have a cold, be grateful for tissues and cold medicine – gratitude really is that simple. 

Even when the world around us is in chaos we are filled with peace, love and joy. It is from this fullness we can give and are compelled to give. We are overflowing and when we give from the overflow, not only does it not drain us; giving in itself helps to keep us full because of the joy we receive in the process. The key to real prosperity and fulfillment is living in a constant state of gratitude. Those who have found fulfillment know when to give, and how much they can afford to give while still honoring their own well-being. They understand how to keep themselves full, and help to fill the cup of others.


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